Eyjafjallajökull’s reply

My name is Eyjafjallajökull (pronounced ˈɛɪjaˌfjatl̥aˌjœkʰʏtl̥). If, like most of you human news readers I have heard about, you cannot pronounce me then please to be honest about this. I don’t mind.

now look, you human

Now look, you human, I have been around a long time and I must to say you are really most inconvenient with your damn plane schedules and what have we. It must be faced like good facts that  sometimes I have to let off steam. And damn I have a lot to let off steam about and to be quite fair cos your damn planes do sometimes really piss me off. Right?

I am the daughter of the tectonic divergence of the Mid-Atlantic Ridge and I have many sister and brother and my closest is Katla and you best watch out fo her cos she may be easier to pronounce in the name, but she’s not no bimbo, so don’t try play games with her. Right? We are powerful family and we aren’t about to try to shut up.

So I am writing to tell this because Ive seen you come and go and some of you modern humans are, what we say, right up your magma chamber with all this. You know what I am real magnificent and if this is a disruption to your sad little schedules honestly I don’t give a tuppeny whatsit.

Now get real and enjoy the magnificent ness, yes?

Ok I think I say enough and so on and so forth.

This letter was posted on behalf of the tectonic divergence of the Mid Atlantic ridge

 

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